When does postpartum depression turn into regular depression? I don’t know but it’s something I’m scared of. Half the time I love living here. Hawaii is a beautiful island, it’s pretty much always great weather. No fall around here. I forgot it was October actually.
The other half of the time, I feel lost and alone. We’re living on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean. I can’t call my parents whenever I feel like it. All my friends are in different time zones. Even Twitter is dead at around 8 pm.
I never thought about social media, but I depend on it. I like interacting with people even if it’s not face-to-face. Here, I feel so disconnected to the world. It makes me angry. It makes me sad. I’m trying to stop all this negativity in my life by doing things I like but it’s not working. I don’t even know where behavioral health is on base so I can’t even find a counselor to talk to. All that does is add to my stress.
Hubs just wants to do fun things like hike and swim in the ocean or go on long walks along the beach and all that just sounds like so….much. I don’t know. I have several good days followed by days that I just want to spend in bed, alone.
It also doesn’t help that I haven’t gotten any of the jobs I applied for. I haven’t met anyone to hang out with. The only adult I speak to on a regular basis is my husband. He is awesome but I do need other people to talk to, ya know?